humans-of-pdx:


"I don’t really like people, but it’s difficult to get comfortable with loneliness. I mean, I’ve tried to have friends, but it never works out. And I’m tired of going out alone. I’m ok staying in at my place. It smells good when I burn incense and I have a lot of records and I can just play video games.” 

The bus she was waiting for arrived. “Do you need to go?” 

"It’s ok. Another one will come in ten minutes… But then, you know, sometimes I just want a partner— a relationship. It would be nice to share this part of my life with someone. I’ve been single for years, and you know, there are people I could call if I wanted to. But people always end up saying things that rub me the wrong way, or if I open up to them, suddenly they want me to be their best friend, and I don’t want people to have expectations of me. I don’t want to waste anyone else’s time if I’m not interested in being close to them." 

Another bus came and went while she told me about the loneliness, wiping tears from her eyes. Then another. “I’m sorry, I’ve talked too long.” 

"It’s really ok. Sometimes we just need to connect." 

"Yeah, I forget that sometimes."

(via havocados)

Watching one of your parent’s health slowly decline must be one of the most heart breaking things to ever go through.  You feel helpless, and it’s dragged out over months, sometimes years.  They become unable to continue doing the things they love and just simple everyday tasks. 

I still live with my parents, and my dad is home 24/7 because of his terminal cancer, so I see him often obviously.  He takes several different medications, including morphine.  He takes the morphine for the pain he experiences from the scar tissue in his colon. 

My dad is extremely stubborn and proud, and he hates the fact that he needs to take morphine for pain.  Instead of easing himself off of it, he cut himself off cold turkey a few days ago.  He’s been going through withdrawal.  He’s been hallucinating, and because of that he’s been having panic attacks because it’s freaking him out. 

He thinks people are talking to him when they aren’t.  He sees people who aren’t really there.  He thinks he’s dreaming when he’s actually awake.  At one point he said, “I feel like I’m in a different reality.  I’m somewhere else.”

Watching the person you’ve looked up to your whole life, the one who has always been the voice of reason and has been your rock when shit hits the fan, slowly lose themselves…  It crushes you.

It sucks when someone you have feelings for doesn’t share those feelings; it happens to women all the time, too. We hear “I just want to be friends” and “you’re like one of the guys” and “you’re like a sister to me” just as often. But you’ll never hear a woman complain that guys just don’t appreciate a Nice Girl because we’re taught it’s our own fucking fault when we’re rejected—we aren’t pretty enough or thin enough or sexy enough, we weren’t sexual enough or were too sexual, we put out too much or too little or too soon or not soon enough, we didn’t wear our hair the right way or our skirt the right length, we’re “too tomboyish” or “too butch” or “too feminine”, or we’re “not their type”, or we’re otherwise not good enough in various ways to entice the man to grace us with his affection.

But when we’re not interested in someone, we’re vilified. We’re the bitch that lead them on, the bitch who let them buy us dinner but didn’t want to date them, the bitch who doesn’t appreciate a nice guy, the bitch they were nice to and then got nothing in return from.

And, frankly, fuck those people. Showing interest in me, being friendly with me, getting close to me, or eating a meal with me (even if they paid for it) doesn’t obligate me to open my heart or my legs. And anyone who doesn’t appreciate my friendship sure as hell doesn’t deserve my love or my pussy.

— Unknown (via exoticwild)

(via earthlyspirit)

houseofalexzander:

Lustrous.

A man in the grocery store line today approached me and said, “Sir, when I first saw you I was extremely attracted to you, but then I noticed that you are a boy. How… I mean, why do you dress so provocatively?”

I responded, “Well, in today’s world the majority of the straight male race view women as objects, or something that belongs to them. I dress provocatively because it attracts the attention of men in a sexual and OBJECTIVE way. However, when realized that I am actually male, they often become confused, disgusted, upset or all of the above. By inflicting this minor emotional damaged upon the ego of a man raised by twisted societal gender norms, maybe, just maybe the individual will think twice before viewing another woman with an objective attitude and sense of belonging. No woman, belongs to ANYONE. Male or female, the equality of human beings needs to be a priority. It is something worth dressing up for.”

I AM NOT KIDDING. The woman behind me, the female cashier, the old lady bagging groceries and the woman in front of me who was talking on the phone STOPPED, …. and proceeded to gasp and clap. The man shook my hand, told me to have a blessed day and then said, “excuse me ladies, I need to visit my daughter.”

…. I was shaking by the time I walked out of the store.

- Elliott Alexzander

(via havocados)